an end to the shame spiral

i felt it, some kind of attack; i lashed out.
truth be told he didn't deserve it. he has a walk too. was i to scorn his walk, and put thorns in his way? was i to make him question what he knew, bring doubt into his belief in redemption? am i a warden? a crab in a barrel? that crab in reference to the fact that when you put crabs in a barrel every time one tries to climb out, the others pull it right back down...
"they are just people too..." -Debby, in reference to our discussion on men
on the grow it's tough to come to terms with all that i fail to understand, especially with all the growth that is already in motion. i try desperately to wrap my head around things that i really don't need to know at this point. one of the proverbs says it nicely when it speaks of not understanding everything along the way.
one man's ephiphany is another man's cliche, i once said.
i think i need to live this one: "let go and let God..."
and this one too, "take time in life, you('ve) got (a) far way to go..."

from mentor and friend to acquaintance

i don't know when it happened, but it did.

i think it was the day when i told her i liked hip-hop music.

she is a strong christian, sanctified, commanding the utmost respect.
she got a whole lot of mine, and i followed in kind in my faith, as best as i knew, to the point of almost losing myself... but so much of me remains.

i like hip-hop, still do, so i reminded myself of the lyrics that remain with me even now.

"i wanna take your misery, replace it with happiness but i need your faith in me, i'm a sucka for love..." - 2pac Shakur, "Sucka for Love"
"what (do) you call an infinite brawl, eternal souls clashin(g)? war gets deep, some beef is everlasting..." - Nas, "One Mic"
"i can't see them coming down my eyes, so i had to let the song cry..." - JayZ, "Song Cry"
"Never looking back or too far in front of me, The present is a gift and I just wanna be..." - Common, "Be"

i don't know if that's exactly why she flipped, but if she would take the time to listen as closely as i have, i think she might possibly like hip hop music too.