sometimes, you just should have known better, but you do it anyway. there's always some 'reason why' and it's always 'totally justifiable.' however, when the consequences rain down, you can always harken back to the simple fact that you just should have known better...
at the time, my 'reasons why' felt like license to do whatever felt like release; my reasons why were many and ran deep. straight and narrow felt like an impossible path, and what i needed was a good dose of some other way. so, temptations came to me and met no resistance. self-control became something i practiced some other time, just not now.
after all, i was forgiven.
and let's not forget, my reasons were many and ran so deep...
but time always has its way of giving a view from the hindsight. the real fact of the matter was that the lover of my soul knew every single one of my reasons that ran deep, and even in those, i should've known that He doesn't put on me more than i can bear. having taken the cross for my sake, the least i can do is fight tempatation in times of trouble for His. the whole "some other way" idea, became a huge message of "that was so obvious". it's like i forgot whose child i was.
oh, and because of "some other way," i returned to work about as productive as a historectomy and sharp as a pencil stub. and i had gone from taking every thought captive to having every thought take me captive. and my quest for love in all its forms with a man turned into me having the fray's "how to save a life" stuck in my head. this man and i might barely have philia left for all i know.
[sigh]
all that for "some other way"?
was it even worth it?
absolutely not.
it's a valuable lesson, i thank God for teaching it to me, and its one i won't soon forget.
word to the wise: let's turn all the 'i should have known better's into 'of course i did better's.
and let's always start now.
